Well it has been a while and I needed cheering up. This joke is probably an acquired taste, just like whisky or beer. Or is it that you cannot remember that you had to acquire the taste through lots of practice. Every night for two weeks a man walks into a bar and orders three glasses of whiskey to be lined up in front of him. Finally, the bartender asks why he does this. The man says, “One shot for me and one each for distant friends.” One night he comes in and orders just two shots. The bartender is puzzled and asks, “Did one of your friends die?” The man says, “No, I quit drinking.”

Beautiful photograph, courtesy of Garry De Long  

Sorry it has been quite some time since I posted one of my regular 'man walks into a pub jokes' again.  This time the theme is bears. I unearthed these ones after digging deep. Many thanks to Studio Four in OZ.

A bear walks into a bar an says to the bar tender, “I would like a bourbon and...... a coke.” The bar tender says “What’s up with the big pause?” The bear said “I’ve had them all my life”

A bear walks into a bar in Billings, Montana and sits down. He bangs on the bar with his paw and demands a beer.
The bartender approaches and says, “We don’t serve beer to bears in bars in Billings.”

The bear, becoming angry, demands again that he be served a beer.

The bartender tells him again, more forcefully, “We don’t serve beer to belligerent bears in bars in Billings.”

The bear, very angry now, says, “If you don’t serve me a beer, I’m going to eat that lady sitting at the end of the bar.”

The bartender says, “Sorry, we don’t serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings.”

The bear goes to the end of the bar, and, as promised, eats the woman. He comes back to his seat and again demands a beer.

The bartender states, “Sorry, we don’t serve beer to belligerent, bully bears in bars in Billings who are on drugs.”

The bear says, “I’m NOT on drugs.”

The bartender says, “You are now. That was a barbitchyouate.”

Two pieces of rope walk into a bar. First piece of rope goes up to the barman and asks for a drink. Barman says "sorry we don't serve pieces of rope". The second piece of rope was watching and so he went over to the corner of the bar and tied a knot in himself at the top. Then he splayed out all the strands of his rope. Going back to the bar to ask for a drink, and the barman said "Are you a punk"? to which he replied , "no I am frayed knot".

Woman walks into a cocktail bar and asks for a double entendre, so the barman gave her one.

A nice quick and easy one to remember on New Years Day if you are feeling a little worse for wear.
William Shakespeare walks into a bar. The landlord says: "Get out! You're 'bard'."